


Morally Bankrupt

by thoughtsthatfester



Series: Love is a dirty trick [2]
Category: Veep
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-22 15:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7443595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtsthatfester/pseuds/thoughtsthatfester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hell is empty and all the Devils are here.” – William Shakespeare </p><p>Dan/Amy Drabbles</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. “I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.” – Nancy Mitford

“I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.” – Nancy Mitford

 

“Why the fuck are you freezing your eggs?” He’s leaning against the open door to her office. 

“What? Who told you that?” 

“Gary.”

“Fuck Gary.” She didn’t tell Gary but she told the President – she needed to take some time off of work for the procedure. 

“I’m so confused. I thought you hated kids.” He takes that as an invitation to sit down in front of her desk. He’s upset by the confirmation that she is in fact freezing her eggs. He can’t pinpoint why. He doesn’t really want to think about it. 

“I do. You know I do.”

“Then why go to the trouble?”

“Dan, I’m not having this conversation with you. Why do you even care?”

“Is what’s-his-face pressuring you to have children?” 

“Who? Oh right, my boyfriend. No!”

“Feeling the maternal instinct?” He taunts.

“What are you? My mother? Leave me alone.”

“Fine, but we’re not done having this conversation.”

“Yes, we are. Now get the fuck out of my office.”

Later that night they’re at a dinner. Selina is giving a speech about how, as Americans, we all need to band together and drink domestic beer instead of foreign beer. It’s completely ridiculous but it’s a popular platform at the moment. It’s filled with beer puns so corny (or wheaty rather) that she wants to slap Dan for even writing them. 

“Why are you so curious about me freezing my eggs? It’s none of your fucking business.” He had asked again when the others had left the table, leaving the two of them to talk in private. 

He leans in close. He smells like the beer he’s been nursing during the speech. “Do you want the real reason?” His breath is hot on her face.

She gulps a little bit and nods. 

“Since as long as I’ve worked with you, it’s been the two of us sitting at tables and standing in corners saying horrible things about horrible people. If you run off and have kids then this job is going to get a hell of a lot less fun. We’re a good team. We can’t be a good team if you’ve got to go change some brat’s diaper instead of pull an all-nighter.”

“That’s actually kind of sweet. Which is why I don’t believe it. What’s the real reason?”

“If you have kids you’ll be even more stressed out and sleep deprived. I think you’ll become unbearable to work with. Also, you’ll get fat like your sister.”

“That’s the one.”

“Now you have to tell me why you’re freezing your eggs.”

“That’s not how this works.”

“Please,” he pouts and makes puppy eyes at her. 

“Fine, but only if you promise never to make that face again.”

“I promise.”

“One day, I might consider running for political office or who knows, I might marry a man who’s considering running for political office. Childless women don’t really go over well in elections. I just want to keep my options open. It’s not like I’m planning to have kids soon or now or anything, but I want to at least give myself the option and I need to do if before I’m 35.”

“Oh.”

“What did you think I was going to say?”

“I thought you were in love and your biological clock was ticking and you actually wanted a baby.”

“Ew, Dan. That’s disgusting.”

“Here’s to putting our careers above everything else.”

“I’ll drink to that,” she says and clinks her glass. “Do you ever think about running for office?”

“Is that you offering to have my political babies to help me win an election?”

“Fuck you, Dan.”

“I’ve thought about it. I’ve probably stabbed too many backs in D.C. for it to be a possibility. Maybe I’ll run for governor.”

“In that case, I can’t wait for the news of your sex scandal to break. Do you think it’ll be with an intern or a call girl?”

“It’ll be your problem.”

“What?”

“You think you’re off the hook? You’re going to be my campaign manager and chief of staff.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think even I could get you elected.”

“Jonah got elected to the House. I think I could win a gubernatorial race.” 

“Not interested.”

“First lady then?”

Her phone rings. She gives him the finger and takes the call.


	2. “I only had sex with her because I’m in love with you.” – Bret Easton Ellis

“I only had sex with her because I’m in love with you.” – Bret Easton Ellis 

Dan reluctantly goes back to the room with Sophie. He does not want to fuck her. He doesn’t even want to spend another minute with her. But, fuck, he really fucking wants a career in TV. He’s not nearly drunk enough for this shit. 

“Is this going to be weird because you’re in love with my sister?” Sophie’s already taken most of her clothes off. Her underwear doesn’t match. Amy’s underwear always matches. Not that he’s thinking about Amy at a time like this. 

“Where the fuck would you get a stupid idea like that?” He’s still fully clothed but if he were smart he’d already be naked and getting it over with so he could get out of there and secure a job offer at CBS and ensure he never has to speak with Sophie Brookheimer again. 

“My mom thinks so.”

“Then why are you doing this?” He knows they’re not particularly close but they did go to a spa together once which has to mean something. She also flew all the way to Nevada to deliver Amy’s close. They’re sisters after all. He certainly feels no sense of loyalty to his brother, but normal people do. 

“I didn’t say my mom thought Amy was in love with you, just that you’re in love with her.”

“No one is in love with anyone.”

“Then why are you still dressed?”

Dan takes off his clothes and it’s not sexy at all. He doesn’t want to kiss Sophie. There is a naked woman in front of him and he’s not even half-hard. His dick hasn’t so much as twitched or tingled. 

“I’ll take care of that for you,” Sophie says in his seductive voice that doesn’t do anything for him. She’s on the floor in front of him and suddenly his flaccid dick is in her mouth. 

She does an admirable job, maybe uses more teeth than he prefers, but nothing happens. His dick remains soft in her mouth. This has literally never happened to him before. 

“Do you need a Viagra or something?”

“No.”

“Well you’re soft as shit sooo—“

“This has never happened before, I swear.”

“Well, you could always go down on me.”

“Yeah, I don’t do that.” Well, he does, from time to time, but there’s no way as hell he’s going down on Sophie Brookheimer. 

“Well, Dan Egan. You’re going to have to give me something or I’m going to tell my sister about this.”

“Tell her what you want. In fact, I’ll call her right now and tell her myself. Better she hears it from me and mocks me to my face instead of mocking me behind my back.”

“Don’t!” Sophie cries. She’d had to change Dan’s name in Amy’s phone to ensure that she wouldn’t text him in the middle of her seduction. She’s only met Dan Egan a couple of times but she knows that if Amy texts him, he’d leave. If he called her, her entire plan would be found out. 

“What?” 

“She’d probably never speak to me again.”

“She’d get over it. I fucked my brother’s fiancé and we still do Christmas.”

“Oh god, don’t tell me you can’t get it up because of Amy.”

“What? Where did that come from?”

“You said this has never happened before. And, well, I’m pretty fuckable. The only reason you wouldn’t be able to fuck me is if your brain is cockblocking itself because it wants a piece of my sister’s uptight ass.”

“Sophie.”

“Yes, Dan?”

“If Amy asks, I fucked you tonight. We had sex.”

“I’m not lying for you.”

“What do you want from me? I’ll give you anything.”

“Hmm…”

“Please. Sophie, what do you want? Do you want a meet and greet with the President?”

“What’s the real story between you and Amy? She told mom that she ended things with you. That’s what I want. That’s the only thing I want.”

“No.”

“Well, if you do, I’ll be a good girl and play along to this whole lying to my sister thing. I’ll even call and harass you a bit and really sell it. I’ll even tell my mom.”

“Fine. We were hooking up and I kind of ghosted her and started publically dating a Senator’s daughter.”

“Lame. I thought it was going to be something juicier. She did like the same exact thing to her last boyfriend. I want something else.”

“That’s not how this works.”

“Come on. Please. Tell me, were you two going to bone last night.”

“Maybe,” he concedes. 

“I knew it! 

“Sophie, I’m going to leave now and go to sleep. You’ll set up an interview at CBS.”

“Of course, CVS, although I’m not sure why you’d want a job there. It seems like you’ve got a good thing going here.”

“Just set it up.”


	3. “Commitment is an act, not a word.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

“Commitment is an act, not a word.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

They’re practically living together even though neither one has even acknowledged that they even remotely like the other. They’re not exactly “feelings” people. It’s just sex after all – and they work together and they make a pretty good team so it makes sense that they spend a lot of time together even when they aren’t hooking up. It is not a relationship.

That doesn’t stop people from making assumptions. And they do.

“When did you and Dan start dating again?” Catharine asks. It’s innocent and curious. 

“We’re not.” Amy emphatically denies. “Where did you get that idea?”

“You’re together all the time. I just assumed.”

“Well, we’re not. We tolerate each other.” 

She tolerates that his personal products have taken over her vanity. He’s got more creams and lotions than she does. It’s annoying, but she tolerates it. 

He tolerates the pile of clothes on the chair in his bedroom. She’s a bit of a slob.

Everything just sort of happened. One day they were just coworkers arguing about a policy shift and suddenly his lips were on hers, but only as a way to shut her up. He couldn’t think of a way to stop her otherwise. 

Suddenly her office door of locked and they’re on the ground naked in front of her desk. She gets rug burn on her back. It’s just stress relief and angry sex because they’re not even friends. They absolutely do not like each other. 

They don’t hook up again for another couple weeks. That’s how it begins. It’s hate sex most of the time and drunk sex the other times. They tried this thing about a million years ago when she was young and they were both naïve and it didn’t work. They don’t work together. They’re too similar or too different or something. It just doesn’t work between them. 

Work gets stressful and hate sex and drunk sex turn into stress relief sex. She’s calmer than she’s been since, well, since as long as she can remember. He’s a good fuckbuddy. He does not make things into more than they are. He barely even kisses her which is exactly what she wants. They’re not teenagers making out in the back of a car; they’re stressed out adults who need release as fast as they can get it. He does not expect her to call him back or even to text him back. He doesn’t even expect her to remember anniversaries – well, that’s because they don’t have one. 

Fall turns into winter and neither one of them wants to head home in the middle of the night. When it begins to snow, forget it. That’s when the sleepovers begin. And then it’s just practical that they’re keeping things are each other’s apartments. It is not a relationship. They are lazy and they value efficiency. They are both too old to sneak out in the middle of the night on a freezing January night. You can’t be in a relationship with someone you don’t have feelings for. 

It’s when they become a part of each other’s morning routines that she first thinks, shit, this is a problem. She doesn’t think Catharine was right. They’re not in a relationship. They don’t even like each other. Like she said, she tolerates him. They’re just lazy and she’s too horny to kick him out in the middle of the night. She might want morning sex. 

And anyway, most of their routine together is silence. Dan Egan is much easier to tolerate when he’s quiet. They mostly just read the paper in the morning and drink coffee. Occasionally they will comment on a news story and how it relates to something they’re working on but mostly they sit in silence. It’s actually kind of nice. 

It’s not like either of them has time to seek out anything else which is why it’s only each other. It’s not that they like each other – their jobs make it stressful and difficult to find someone. It’s not like she’s about to download Tinder. No, they’re only hooking up with only each other because they’re too lazy to find other partners. There are absolutely no feelings between them. 

“When was the last time we didn’t spend the night together?” He asks one morning when she’s getting out of the shower. He’s pacing in her bathroom like he’s on the verge of another panic attack. She’s standing naked in front of him, dripping all over her bathmat. 

“What?” she asks, grabbing a towel off the rack and twisting her hair up in it. 

“I can’t remember the last night I spent alone.”

She wraps another towel around herself and pauses to think. “When I went to Germany with the President.”

“Amy, that was three months ago.”

“No, there’s no way. That was like two weeks ago or something.”

“It was three months.”

“Okay, whatever, just get in the shower because we’re going to be late for work.”

She blow dries her hair while he showers and does her makeup. She gets dressed last because she needs him to zip her up. It’s a set routine – it makes sense.

“Are we dating?” he asks when he pushes her out of the way to brush his teeth.

“No! We’d have to like each other to actually be dating.”

“Right,” he agrees. “We’re not dating. We don’t like each other.”

“We definitely don’t like each other.”

**Author's Note:**

> this entire work is going to be inspired by quotes so if you want a drabble/one-shot about a quote you think exemplifies Dan/Amy send me a message or leave a comment!


End file.
